Signs of Low Self-Esteem

To help you determine if your child has low self-esteem, watch for the following signals. They could be everyday responses to how your child relates to the world around them, or they might occur only occasionally in specific situations. When they become a repeated pattern of behavior, you need to become sensitive to the existence of a problem.

⦁ Your child avoids a task or challenge without even trying. This often signals a fear of failure or a sense of helplessness.
⦁ They quit soon after beginning a game or a task, giving up at the first sign of frustration.
⦁ They cheat or lie when they believe they are going to lose a game or do poorly.
⦁ They show signs of regression, acting babylike or very silly. These types of behavior invite teasing and name-calling from other youngsters, thus adding insult to injury.
⦁ They become controlling, bossy, or inflexible as ways of hiding feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or powerlessness.

⦁ They make excuses (“The teacher is dumb”) or downplay the importance of events (“I don’t really like that game anyway”), using this kind of rationalizing to place blame on others or external forces.
⦁ Their grades in school have declined, or they have lost interest in usual activities.
⦁ They withdraw socially, losing or having less contact with friends.
⦁ They experience changing moods, exhibiting sadness, crying, angry outbursts, frustration, or quietness.
⦁ They make self-critical comments, such as “I never do anything right,” “Nobody likes me,” “I’m ugly,” “It’s my fault,” or “Everyone is smarter than I am.”
⦁ They have difficulty accepting either praise or criticism.
⦁ They become overly concerned or sensitive about other people’s opinions of them.
⦁ They seem to be strongly affected by negative peer influence, adopting attitudes and behaviors such as a disdain for school, cutting classes, acting disrespectfully, shoplifting, or experimenting with tobacco, alcohol, or drugs.
⦁ They are either overly helpful or never helpful at home.

Talk to your child’s school counselor or their pediatrician if you are concerned about your child’s self-esteem.

Ways to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Often without thinking about it, parents fortify their youngsters’ self-esteem every day, whether it’s by

complimenting them on a job well done, kissing them good-bye (assuming they still allow it) or disciplining them for breaking a rule. All of us have days when we inadvertently bruise our children’s egos or simply miss an opportunity to make them feel good about themselves. Here are some easy ways to help instill self-esteem.

Be Generous with Praise
We don’t tell our children often enough what they did right. Commend your child not only for accomplishments but for efforts – including those times when it fails to bring the desired results. In addition, let’s encourage kids to feel proud of themselves. Pride should shine from within, not just in response to external approval.

Teens with low self-esteem may feel awkward accepting praise. If that’s true of your youngster, then hand out compliments frugally. Don’t slater on the praise so thick that it sounds insincere. Boys and girls have an internal radar that tells them when Mom and Dad are merely trying to make them feel good. If anything, it has an opposite effect.

Criticize, When Necessary, but Constructively
Never critique your child in a hurtful or demeaning manner.

Instead of saying: “How could you have gotten that answer wrong on your chemistry test?” Say: “You almost got the correct answer. With a little extra studying, I’m sure you’ll do better next time.”

Solicit Your Youngster’s Opinions
Teenagers have no shortage of them. Include them in everyday family decisions and implement some of their suggestions. What do they think about the new couch you’re considering for the living room? Adolescents love nothing better than to be treated like grownups, and they’re usually flattered anytime that you invite them into the adult world.

Encourage Youngsters to Cultivate Their Talents and Interests
Everybody excels at something. Everybody needs to excel at something. Let your child follow their passion, whatever it may be. Even interests that you may consider frivolous can provide opportunities for success and a safe outlet for peer acceptance. Support their hobby, provided that it, or any other pastime, doesn’t interfere with more pressing responsibilities such as schoolwork.

For more on this and other topics, head to www.healthychildren.org. This is a great resource for health tips designed for parents by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Should a situation arise in which your child needs to be admitted to a hospital, remember that Hendricks Regional Health’s dedicated pediatric unit is staffed 24/7 to care for children from birth to 18 years. Learn more at hendricks.org/pediatrics.